


Purple Haze

by blakefancier



Series: Young Lovers [31]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-15
Updated: 2013-04-15
Packaged: 2017-12-08 13:48:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/762028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blakefancier/pseuds/blakefancier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Howard and Maria make it perfectly clear why it's a good thing they are no longer married and Steve reveals something surprising to Tony.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Purple Haze

**Author's Note:**

> Discussions of recreational drug use and underage sex.

Tony knew he was in trouble the moment he walked into the room and both his parents looked at him. No good came from them being together; he included himself in that list too.

"Good, you're here. Sit down, Tony," Howard said, gesturing to an empty chair. 

Tony moved cautiously to the chair and sat down. "This isn't going to be a sex talk, is it? Because I gotta tell you guys, that ship's sailed."

"No," Mom said, "this isn't a—Wait. What do you mean that ship's sailed? Are telling me that you've had sex?" She turned to Howard. "Did you know he was having sex?" 

Howard rolled his eyes. "Focus, Maria. We're not here to have that conversation."

Mom's eyes widened. "Oh my god, you knew he was having sex!"

"He's a seventeen year old boy from a rich family who just spent two years away at college. Yeah, I figured he was having sex. Isn't that why you forced me to give him that damn talk before he left?"

"It's wasn't much of a talk," Tony said; Howard glared at him. "Oh, c'mon, Dad. You shoved a box of condoms at me and told me not to catch a disease or get anyone pregnant."

"Howard!" Mom smacked Howard on the arm. 

"Ow!" Howard rubbed his arm. "I covered all the bases!"

"Okay, well, good talk guys!" Tony gripped the arms of the chair and pushed himself to his feet.

"Sit down," both his parents said, in unison. 

Wow, Tony wondered if they practiced that. He let out a huff and flopped back down. "So what are talking about today?"

"Drugs," Mom said, clasping her hands in her lap. "We figured after what happened the other day, we should talk about it."

Oh god. Tony fought the urge to face-palm. "We really don't. Really. Drugs are bad. I got the memo."

"Have you done drugs?" Howard asked.

"Can't we just say we've had this talk and then… not? Please." This was Steve's fault, he just knew it. Howard and Mom *never* had these sorts of ideas before. Tony was going to kick his ass! As a matter of fact… Tony pulled out his phone and texted Steve: Going 2 kill U. 

Howard raised an eyebrow. "Tony."

Tony looked up from his cell phone. "No."

"We understand if you have, sweetheart." Mom leaned over and touched his shoulder. "God knows your father and I have been there. And college is a time for experimenting."

"Yeah, your mom did a lot of drugs in college." Howard smirked at her; Mom glared.

"Like you're one to talk. The first six months we dated I don't think I ever saw you sober."

Tony wondered if he could slip away. They might not even notice. 

Howard scoffed. "You didn't seem to mind when I was buying you all that coke!"

"Oh please, you were practically throwing it at me!" Mom rose to her feet and Howard did the same. 

"Well if I didn’t it would have been some other guy! It's not like you were very discriminating!" Howard's voice slowly rose. 

"I wasn’t the only one sniffing around for a sure thing!" Mom's matched Howard's volume. "If I remember correctly you were trying to assert your heterosexuality with every set of tits in the place."

Howard gestured to Mom's breasts. "And yet somehow I got stuck with yours!"

Tony pulled his knees up to his chest and covered his face.

"I've got fantastic tits!" Mom yelled. 

"I know, I remember *paying* for them!" Howard yelled right back. 

"Go to hell!" Mom spun on her heel and stormed out of the room.

"Fuck you, too!" Howard screamed at her retreating figure. When she was gone, he slumped back on the chair and groaned.

"So… good talk," Tony said softly.

Howard's head jerked up; he had probably forgot that Tony was there. "Tony."

"Yup." He cleared his throat. "Let's just put a checkmark beside this conversation, shall we? I'll tell Steve that you and Mom gave me a very convincing anti-drug talk."

Howard rubbed his forehead. He looked like he might protest, then he sighed. "Yeah, yeah, that's probably best." 

"Talk, good, drugs, bad." Tony jumped to his feet. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some pills to pop."

"Tony." Howard sounded tired.

"Aspirin, Dad. I've got a headache. I just spent the last five minutes listening to the two most important adults in my life yell at each other about drugs and tits." Before Howard could respond to that, Tony waved and headed out the door. "See ya!"

***** 

Steve was waiting for him when he got back to his room. "I'm gonna kill you, Steve. Slowly and when you least expect it." 

"That bad?" Steve asked. 

"Worse." Tony sprawled out on the bed and sighed. "Mom stormed out and Dad was just about to contemplate a bottle of whiskey when I left."

"I'm sorry. I didn’t think it'd go that badly. Did they at least talk about drugs?"

"Sure. Evidently, both my parents were coke heads when they were younger." Tony groaned. "Why can't I have normal parents? You wanna trade? I will trade you both my parents for your mom."

Steve laughed. "Um, no. That would probably make things weird between me and Howard." 

"Yeah." He sighed and closed his eyes. "They didn't believe me when I told them that I had never done drugs."

"I believe you," Steve said. 

"That's because you're a good guy, Steve. You rescue kittens from trees and help little old ladies cross the street."

"I have never helped a little old lady cross the street. They all seemed to manage just fine without anyone's help. " Steve nudged Tony with his foot and grinned. 

Tony grinned back. "You are too good to be true, you know that?"

"I'm not. I'm really, really not." Steve bit his lower lip, then said. "I've smoked pot before."

"What?" He sat up and stared at Steve. "What did you say?"

Steve's face turned a bright red. "Don't tell anyone, okay? But I have. Once."

Tony shook his head in disbelief. "Wha— When?"

"A couple of years ago, at a party. I didn't tell you because… because I'm ashamed." Steve stared down at his hands. 

"It was just pot, Steve. You didn't shank a guy." Tony poked Steve in the side until he wiggled away, laughing. "What was it like?"

"Not fun. It made me paranoid and sort of mean." Steve shrugged. "Anyway, I didn't like it and I'll never do it again."

Tony stared at Steve, looking at his guilt-ridden expression, then sighed and flopped back down on the bed. "Okay, you've convinced me. Drugs are bad and I promise never to touch them. Ever. I'll stick with booze."

"Tony!" Steve shoved him off the bed; Tony yelped. "Grab the controllers while you're down there. I wanna kick your butt at Mario Kart."

"Pfft! Whatever." Tony tossed him the controller. "Wait until my Honey Bear gets here next week. You'll be sorry."

"You know Rhodey hates it when you call him that." 

"I'm not ashamed of my love." He grinned up at Steve, who smiled back.


End file.
